I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize