Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
