8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
