i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
