Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
drinking out of a sandbucket again
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
