I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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