Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
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