Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
