i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
