if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Green mimosas i think yes
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
