I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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