you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
