so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
