we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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