i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
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