What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
