You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
