I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
