I wanna bring you to show and tell
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
