Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
