erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
