so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
