Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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