Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
