proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
foreskin is a definite game changer
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
