She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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