He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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