I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
