I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
