Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
