I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
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