I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
