Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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