I wannas sexs uuuuu
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Can I color on your dick again?
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Randomize
