I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I need to align my fucking chakras
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
