Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
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