It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
