I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Randomize
