I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
