just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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