I swear god or herbie drove my car home
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
