Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
