i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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