At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
