He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
