one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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