i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
