week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up�
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
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