If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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