are you still at the devil's house?
3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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